The Necessity of Bullying

 

 I generally try to write articles that I can back up with Scripture in the case of doctrinal or theological topics, or with historical or other factual points in the case of political or current events topics. This one is more of a pure opinion piece based on my experiences as a parent and someone who has worked with kids in out of school settings for years. Plus my own history dealing with bullies.

In my article on spanking, I made a mention that I think that there is a place in society for mild bullying. This is an unpopular view in an age when the "educated professionals" have been doing all they can to mitigate the bullying that happens in the schools in particular. The school division that all of my children attended developed a "no tolerance" policy on bullying during the time that my kids were attending there, but like most official policies, there was a tonne of work put into the wording of the document and no thought put into the implementation of the policy, including the ramifications.

For example, in the policy section of the school division's website is the following statement, "Included in the school’s student handbook will be a clear statement that the following actions or behavioiur [sic] are unacceptable: bullying, harassment, discrimination,..." and on and on. And beyond this statement, there is an action plan for what will happen if one of these listed acts are discovered. Parents are assured that "In a violent or bullying situation, the principal will ensure that the appropriate actions, interventions and supports are in place to respond and meet the needs of the targeted victim(s), address the students who were bystanders and observed the violent or bullying incident, as well as, the student(s) who were violent or bullying." There is no mention of the actions to be taken, and even if there was a list of actions to be taken, it requires a strong leader to actually act, and since most principals are former educators themselves, and they have gone through years of "professional training" in childhood education, they have been emasculated in their understanding of the ways to deal with a strong willed child.

For example, one of my children was bullied by their classmates for several years, which eventually escalated to physical violence. These acts were reported to the school administration again and again, as per the school division policies, all the way up to the superintendent, yet there was never a suitable response, and the bullying continued. As the kids got older (they didn't grow up), this bullying progressed to the point where they inflicted physical injury to my child. My child was, at one point, pushed to the ground by a group of bullies and punched and kicked. At the end of the day, my child even had a very clear shoe print still visible on their body! My wife said that she was going to have to talk to the principal again, but I had other ideas.

I knew that bowing the knee to the weak and unenforced policies of the school division wasn't accomplishing anything, so I took my child aside, and knowing who the prime instigator was, I told my child that the next time they were confronted by their bullies, they were supposed to punch the instigator right in the nose, as hard as they could, and that they were supposed to aim for their punch to end at the back of their target's head, not just the tip of their nose. The goal was to drop the child to the ground, freak them out with the sight of their own blood, and to show them that my child was done with being abused. I also told my child that this will likely result in them getting dragged into the office and that they were supposed to make sure that the principal called me, not my wife, to come and deal with it. The result would be that I would vigorously defend my child's actions and that we would gladly accept any suspension that would result from the use of physical violence. Unfortunately, my child did not punch their aggressor in the nose, but in the stomach, after which their aggressor punched my child in the stomach too. It was not the effect I was going for, but the bullying did settle down a bit. By the way, we also engaged the parents of the aggressors after the kicking attack, since we knew who they were, and there was supposedly some effort taken by the parents to address the situation, but in a bullying situation, that is as likely to make the situation worse as it is to make the situation better.

But going back to the ramifications of bad policy, one ramification that immediately comes to mind is that the kids will get better at hiding the bullying that they are inflicting. This is what kids do. If they are engaging in an act that they know they are not supposed to be doing, they hide it. If there is a policy put in place to discourage that action, that doesn't necessarily cause everybody who is likely to engage in that act to suddenly see the error in their ways and immediately stop; they just get better at covering it up to avoid the consequences of their choices. You would think that these professionally trained childhood educators would have some concept of this, but it seems to completely slide past their cognizance. Of course there is a desire to avoid the consequences of our decisions; every human has a sense of self preservation. And as we are living increasingly in a digital world, the bullying has moved online, and of course there are online tools that can be used to shield the bullies by eliminating the evidence of their words and actions or just hiding their identities.

So what is someone who is victimized by bullies supposed to do? Our "leaders" put these policies in place and fold their hands thinking that they have done civilization a wonderful service by writing some words on a piece of paper. But what has been the result? We have weakened our children. We have created not one, but at least two generations that are unable to stand up for themselves and assert their place in this world. We think that we have "evolved" to a higher sensibility. We are living in a civilization of law and order. Anytime somebody comes up with a new way to get the upper hand on someone else or to hurt someone else, there is an uproar by the public that something needs to be done about it. Then the politicians and bureaucrats, who are eager to justify their pay cheques, do the only thing they can, and that is to put another rule on the books. This rule then has to be enforced by police officers. But there is a building blow-back effect of this type of policy.

We have people entering the real world who have been taught that they are not supposed to stand up for themselves, but that they are supposed to go to the nearest "authority" figure to seek restoration of that which was taken from them, whether the loss is real or perceived. We have anti-harassment policies in workplaces where there is a mountain of paperwork to be filled out if someone is slighted in the workplace, and the result of this complaint, if there is a result, is that someone may carry around a "black mark" in their employee file for the rest of their employment. Does that affect anything? Maybe they get passed up for a promotion because someone got hurt feelings at a joke they may have overheard once, which leads to someone else getting the promotion; possibly someone who is more sensitive but who doesn't have the skills to lead others as a result. Or there is possibly no result at all; I suspect that it really depends on if the workplace is serious about their policies or if they are just writing them down to check a box. I am just playing this out in my head as I perceive it could possible go. I have previously been self employed in a tough field for too long to know how things work in a business with an HR department anymore, and I am exceedingly grateful for my ignorance.

We need to get back to a society that, first of all, doesn't get all butt hurt at the slightest provocation. We need to grow a thicker skin. We also need to stop acknowledging every "minority" group that becomes the next squeaky wheel. We have created a victim mentality in our society, and because politicians can't actually make any difference in the ways that people treat each other, they use our collective monies to create some safe space or promotional program to make the victims feel better about themselves. 

We need to start to let boys duke it out in the playground like we used to. I know it was never actually allowed, but everybody knew that it happened, and then the guilty parties wouldn't tattle on each other. The fight had resolved the issue and the boys didn't need adult intervention. We need to let kids ridicule each other in order that thicker skin can be developed. It should not be encouraged, but neither should everybody think that there will be repercussions just because somebody's feelings got hurt.

We need more bullies.

Getting bullied strengthens the character of those being bullied as long as there is someone to step up or step in before it gets too serious. Bullies getting put in their place, by the victim or another peer, teaches them that actions have consequences. And those people who do not get bullied but have the strength to stand up to bullies for the sake of others need to learn that standing up can have a price, but the risk is worth it. All of these scenarios have a benefit to somebody. We need a tougher society. We need people who are willing and able to tell others that their ideas, their practices, their ideologies are absolute garbage and that they will not be accepted in a civilized society. We need to start to defend what we have instead of letting everybody else think that the way they think and act has value if all it will lead to is the detriment of society. And we need to encourage the wisdom to recognize when this is the case. I do think wistfully to the time of my youth, when people were taught to take responsibility for themselves and that their own actions have consequences, good and bad. Can we please get back to that?

As always, please feel free to comment on this article in the comments section below.