The Model of a Biblical Household and Marriage- The Role of a Christian Woman

 

In my last article, I strove to lay out the roles and responsibilities of a Christian man in a marriage relationship. I hope that I was able to make it very clear that while God has given man the authority position in a Christian household, this position comes with a heavy burden of responsibility to his wife, his kids and his household in general, as well as a responsibility to society as a whole. The man is to love and respect his wife and kids in his leadership and is to set an example as to how a Christian is to act. The authority given to the man is not permission to lord his authority over his family or demean or abuse those under him, it is quite the opposite. The man is told to model his love and leadership on what we read of Jesus' love and leadership, and if he does so, he is more likely to have a peaceful and enjoyable household.

Now I want to deal with the role of women in a Christian household. There can only be one leader, and according to the Bible, that is not the woman. Unfortunately, men have too often forfeited their leadership due to laziness, ineptitude or some other of myriad excuses, and when men fail to fulfill their duties, women have learned to step up and get it done. This is, first, foremost and most definitely, the fault of the man of the house. In general, a woman does not want to lead, but wants to be lead, so if the man is not leading it is not likely because the woman has usurped his leadership, but most likely it is due to the man abandoning his post. This is shameful. When a man steps into his God given role as leader of his house, the woman tends to be happier and more loving towards and supportive of her husband. It occurs to me now that this could be the reason for the sheer number of divorces that we see. It is possible that the couples are dissatisfied in their marriages because either the man has not taken the lead, thereby allowing the woman to follow as is her nature, or, given the push for 'equality' over the last couple of decades, the men have allowed a 'shared responsibility' model of the household, which still means that he has forfeited his rightful place and forced his wife to step up as a co-leader.

 There is also a very distinct possibility that the problem of a lack of male leadership has been going on for so long that today's women have learned from their childhood that if the woman doesn't get it done, it won't get done. This leads to a scenario wherein even if the husband wants to take the leadership role, the woman does not cooperate. The wife needs to allow her husband to take leadership. This means that she is not supposed to argue with his decisions or undermine his authority either blatantly or covertly. If she does not agree with her husband, a woman definitely has a right to express her concern, but she should not do so in a place or a way that undermines her husband's authority, especially in front of their children, but even in front of other adults. She should take him aside discreetly and voice her concerns, but she must also be aware that if he cannot be swayed, the end result is his responsibility to wear. And please, ladies, if you are proven correct, rubbing his face in it will not help, as much as you may want to do it. Allowing a man to lead includes respecting him, even when he is wrong, and he will be wrong sometimes, just as you are wrong sometimes. Hopefully he will learn from his errors - though some men seem unable to do so.

So what does the Bible say about a Christian woman/wife? Ephesians 5:22,24 says, "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord.24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." Colossians 3:18 says, "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord." But to be subject seems to be a somewhat archaic use of the word. In fact, as I looked to find a suitable definition of the word in this usage, I have found that this meaning has to be searched for. It is almost like the modern world does not like the idea of someone being subject to someone else, even though that is the nature of things for all of us; we are all subject to laws and people, whether we like it or not. Even as I searched for the adjective meaning of the word 'subject', only one suitable definition came up in my search, the rest reverted to the noun usage of the word. I think that is very telling indeed. But I digress. The adjective usage of the word 'subject' means "under the power or influence of; bound by loyalty or allegiance"[a] It can mean that one is under the power of another against one's will, but taking the full definition into account, the more complete image is one of someone that is wilfully in that position by choice of loyalty to their leader. This is the picture that the Bible is painting for women. The ideal is that a woman will find a strong man (sorry ladies, I know that is getting harder to do) under whom she is willing to submit herself by her own choice for her own benefit.

Submission to her husband is also mentioned in Scripture as a wife's proper position. 1 Peter 3:1a states, "In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands". There is a key here; "In the same way". To know what this refers to we must look at the chapter before this, where we see Peter talking about how we are to be subject to the authorities that are set above us, be they kings, governors or masters of us as servants (employers). There is an expectation of respectful obedience in this. This does not mean that we are to allow others to abuse us and walk all over us in the name of submission; verse 16 touches on this when it states that we are to "Act as free men". This is something that I will probably have to elaborate on in another article; the difference between submission under abuse and respectful submission.

But while the Bible talks about a wife's submission to her husband, there is nothing in the Scriptures that says that a woman cannot be fruitful and productive in her submissive position in the marriage. In fact, Proverbs 31 paints quite the opposite picture. There is a fairly lengthy section, from verses 10 through 31, that tells us what a worthy woman looks like. It is almost worth posting here in full; the only reason that I don't is that this article will get quite lengthy. This passage starts with "An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels" (v.10). This is not a descriptor of some worthless, beat down woman held under the thumb of her overbearing husband. In fact, as we read further, we see that she is an intelligent woman, conducting business, creating, providing and caring for all that is under her purview.

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, And he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil All the days of her life." (v. 11-12). This is a woman in whom her husband has complete faith, that she will never do anything to harm him or their family. He has no worries about losing that which he works to gain. Verses 13 and 14 tell us that she is productive and delights in her productivity. Verse 15 tells us that she is not slothful and lazy, but gets up early to care for the needs of her family and those who serve her, so she is a good leader of those under her as well. 

Verse 16 tells us that she has a sharp mind and seeks to conduct the business of the household, expanding it's holdings, and she manages well the funds under her control. Verse 17 tells us that she is not afraid of hard work. Verse 18 says that she knows that her efforts are adding to the strength and wealth of the household and that under her diligent stewardship, everything is managed well; "her lamp does not go out at night", meaning that she has trimmed the wick and filled the oil as is needed in order to last for the night. She is industrious as verse 19 explains. Verse 20 tells of her softness towards others to meet the needs of those who are wanting; a trait that is typically somewhat lacking in men, therefore we need women to point out the needs that need to be met for others.

She ensures that her family is well clothed and prepared for (v.21-22). Her husband is well respected and not dishonoured by her or her dealings; in part due to her diligence, his wisdom is sought after by other men, because his household is well managed (v.23). She is entrepreneurial and produces goods that others want (v.24), creating wealth from the assets of the family. She is clothed in strength and dignity and she has no fear of what the future holds; she is prepared and confident in her abilities to deal with whatever may come (v.25)

The worthy woman has intelligence and is able to convey the wisdom that she holds to others (v.26). She manages her home well and does not wile away the days with useless pursuits (v.27). Her family recognizes and extols her virtues, praising her works and abilities above others (v.28-29). The things that catch the eye are of no value, but good character and fear of the Lord are noteworthy (v.30). She should be acknowledged for all the good works that she does and her diligence should be made known to those around her (v.31)

There is nothing more that I can add to that in praise to what a woman can add to the life of her husband and children. What a glowing account of the value of a woman! How can any woman read this and state that the Bible looks down on women!

But there is yet more to look at. Looking again at 1 Peter 3:3-4, we see that a woman must cultivate an inner beauty of gentleness and quietness, "which is precious in the sight of God". This does not mean that a woman is to be silent; the quietness mentioned here is peace; one who is at ease with herself, her husband and with God. We see that this type of presentation is extolled as virtuous, like the holy women of former times, mentioning Sarah specifically, how she obeyed and revered Abraham, and by doing likewise the woman accounts herself as being similar to Sarah in goodness (v.5-6).

And just as Paul had words of wisdom to Titus for how young and old men were to compose themselves, He also had words for the young and old women. In Titus 2:3-5 we read, "Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, ⁴ so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, ⁵ to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored." The older women are to set the example for the younger women in their talk and their behaviour, showing respect for others, not gossiping or getting drunk, encouraging the younger women and teaching them how to respect and submit to their own husbands. The younger women are to love and care for their children, to be sensible and not subject to foolish or vain pursuits, working at the home and doing all of this so that they will not draw disrepute to the Word of God. 

I know that the issue of working at home, as opposed to working in the workforce can be a sticky situation for a lot of people, men and women alike, so I want to address that quickly in this separate paragraph. Forces have acted over the last 100 years or so to draw women into the workforce. In the last 40 years there has been a big push for women to prove to themselves and to men that they can do whatever men can do in the workplace. There has also been a significant shift towards comforts and luxuries rather than contentment with sufficiency that has people thinking that it is almost a right for a family to have expensive vacations every year, or a cottage, or a boat or some other expensive leisure items. This has fed into the belief that husband and wife both need to work in order to live, but this is far beyond living. If a family can content themselves with a simple lifestyle, then even now there is no reason why a wife cannot stay at home to raise the children while dad goes off to work. If a woman manages the home well, then there is no need for the extra expenses that come with a woman working outside the home. The efforts of a productive wife at home can balance or even outweigh any potential benefits of the wife working outside the home.

This feeds into the Proverbs 31 woman. Nowadays, the Proverbs 31 woman looks like a woman who learns to cook and bake at home, she mends clothes to make them last longer and maybe even makes some clothes herself. She tends to the house, manages the grocery budget and possibly grows some food in a garden. These days, if she is creative, she can even create a separate stream of income doing something with social media or possibly finding a casual position with a company where she can work from home on a part time basis, adding value to the company while still providing for the needs at home. This type of life will require sacrifices, but I can assure you that it is worth so much more than you will be giving up.

One of the biggest payoffs will be that you will not be paying others to raise your children. We have so few years as a parent in which we can mould and shape our kids before we shuffle our kids off to government run schools, why waste them by giving them to other government employees to twist and warp them away from our Christian values? Even further, I would encourage every family to seriously consider the benefits of home schooling their children. We cannot trust our elected officials to look after the best interests of us and our children, and home schooling has come a long way in the last 20 years. In fact, surveys have shown that home-schooled young people are outperforming public school kids in at least almost every way. Even the socialization aspect of homeschooling has improved. Another benefit of keeping your kids at home is the relationships that you will build with them; there is nothing that can take the place of having a close relationship with your kids!

And to this end, I want to include in this article what children are told about how they are to relate to their parents. Colossians 3:20 instructs them, "Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord." Children who have been exposed to loving parents in a balanced home situation are more likely to be obedient to their parents. This is largely accomplished with time spent with the kids. This is more than just Mom being at home with the kids, but includes Dad spending time with the kids after his workday. A parent works from when they get up in the morning to when the kids go to bed, and often longer than that - this is the price of parenthood, but it is worth it; take it from someone who has all but finished raising his own kids. My kids are a blessing to me and my wife.

I hope that this article has shown you that a woman has a HUGE role to play in a peaceful and productive household, and when she fulfills her God-given duties in a way that is pleasing to Him, then she is a crown on the head of her husband and her God, and her value is of great treasure. I also hope that this entire series has shown how the home is to be a balanced system of authority, submission, love and respect that flows up and down the ranks. If only one half of the marriage partnership is pursuing godliness, then the entire structure suffers, it doesn't matter if it is due to the failures of the husband or the wife, so let's all work towards building godly households and set an example for a world that has so few good examples anymore.

Please let me know if this article has inspired or uplifted you by leaving me a message in the comments section below. 

[a] World Book Dictionary, Field Enterprises Educational Corporation, 1976