Historically, the majority of men and women in the world have been marrying and building families, regardless of their faith background. It was God who instituted the relationship between a man and woman in the garden of Eden, but virtually all cultures have practised some form of relational bond between men and women, and that bond typically results in the creation of children and a household. But since God is the one who instituted marriage, I think it is best to look to Him for guidance about what that relationship and the resulting household should look like.
If we start by looking in Genesis two at the introduction of Adam to Eve, man to woman, we see that while God created man out of the dust of the earth and breathed life into Him, thereby imbuing man with spirit (I plan to write about that at another time), He did not do the same when He created Eve. Instead, He put Adam to sleep and removed one of Adam's ribs, around which He fashioned Eve. This caused Adam to proclaim, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh"(v.23). I have heard a theory that because of the way that God chose to make woman in contrast to how He made man, there is an innate desire for man to seek his own wholeness, the reclamation of his rib, by drawing a woman to his side, and a woman has a desire to cling to that from which she was made, attracting her to a man, in both cases "Because she was taken out of Man."(v.23). Verse 24 alludes to this where it says, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh", bringing that which was separated together again. Jesus also refers to this in Matthew 19:6 when the Pharisees asked Him if divorce for any reason is lawful, and He replied, first quoting verse 24 and then stating, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate".
I also believe that by God taking a rib from man, which I presume was the lowest and smallest full rib at the bottom of the rib cage, all the way across, and by fashioning woman on that frame, he intentionally designed woman to be of a smaller stature than man, which causes man to want to protect woman, and for woman to seek protection and safety in man. Call that napkin philosophy, but it makes sense to me.
So we have established that it is God's will that a man and a woman come together in marriage, but to what end? Eve is a help-mate for Adam, but God has a greater plan. In Genesis 3:16, we get the first mention of procreating and bearing children, which we see beginning in Genesis 4, thereby beginning the process of man subduing the world around him by manner of expansion. So we have the first married couple and the first children. But the Bible has so much more to say about families than just to build them; it also tells us how the family unit is supposed to function as an orderly unit. God is a god of order and not chaos. Everything works better when we work according to God's design rather than foisting our own desires which are contrary to God's design onto something.
To start off with, God creates a hierarchy of responsibility within the family, based on the same type of order that is seen in the triune nature of God. I have stated in other articles that God is the Head in the position of Father, Jesus is next in the position of Son, and the Spirit does the bidding of both, being the third position of authority; the Son does the will of the Father, and the Spirit does the will of both Father and Son. 1 Corinthians 11:3 contains Paul's words to the church in this regard and relates it to mankind; "But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ." So the woman is to act according to the will of the man, man is to act according to the will of the Son and the Son acts according to the will of the Father.
This is restated again in Ephesians 5:22-24 "Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything." There are many people who take offence at this, but one cannot claim that it is not God's Word; it is plainly stated multiple times. This is not intended to be used as a bludgeon for a husband to beat down his wife in any way, be it emotionally, mentally, physically or any other way you can think of. In fact, if people would just read a little bit further, they would see that verse 33 gives a general instruction in what this is supposed to look like; "Nevertheless,
each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself,
and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband." So we see that this is to be practised in such a way that love and respect are shown; not in an abusive manner. A husband should treat his wife in the same way that he wants to be treated, and by a woman respecting her husband, she is treating him in the same way that she wants to be treated. This is what it means to love somebody.
And what does love look like? Paul gives us a description in 1 Corinthians 13; known as the "love chapter", it is often used in Christian wedding ceremonies, yet it is not given in the context of the marriage covenant, but in the context of church relationships. This is how believers are supposed to treat each other in brotherly love, so does it not make sense that this should be the first level of understanding in how to treat someone that you love in a marriage covenant? Beginning in verse four, Paul tells us that, "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, 5 does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, 6 does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." If these are descriptors of what love looks like between Christian brothers and sisters, then surely this is a base level for how to treat one's spouse, who should ideally start out as a brother or sister in Christ.
The first part of 1 Peter 3 actually talks about the marriage relationship with some specificity, giving instruction to each sex in the marriage, but ends off the subject with the following words, "To sum up, all of you be harmonious, sympathetic, brotherly, kindhearted, and humble in spirit; 9 not
returning evil for evil or insult for insult, but giving a blessing
instead; for you were called for the very purpose that you might inherit
a blessing." If a married couple would even just keep these verses in mind in the ways that they would treat each other, I think there would be no need for divorce. I think these Scriptures in 1 Corinthians 13 and 1 Peter 3 paint very appropriate pictures of what a marriage relationship should look like. When one treats the other in these ways, it is likely that the other will respond by reciprocating.
Once children become involved in the Christian household, they will mimic what they are seeing with their parents. If the parents treat each other poorly, in selfishness, jealousy or anger, then the kids will learn that this is acceptable and treat others the same way, including their parents. The difference is that most parents won't allow the children to act this way towards them, so the child will get a skewed idea of how to treat people; that some people can be treated poorly because they have no power over you, but others who do have power over you cannot be treated poorly for fear of repercussions. It is imperative that the parents treat each other well so the children have two good role models from which to learn.
I also want to take this time to point out that there should be only one husband and one wife in any marriage relationship. We see in the Old Testament that there are several significant figures that have multiple wives. In fact, to my knowledge, there are no Scriptural references in the Old Testament in regards to every man having only one wife; I do not have an explanation for this right now, but maybe someday I will. My only guess is that this starts out as a cultural phenomenon, be it in order to care for excess women after men die in battle or due to some other ancient danger, or for some other reason, but keep in mind that Abraham was called out of a region of sun worshippers, pagans, and God did not seem to set monogamy up as a standard until later in time. Since this was potentially Abraham's past, without correction, there was no reason for that to change with those that came after him.
This is not the case in the New Testament. I think the first time we see even a vague statement about monogamy is in 1 Corinthians 7:2 where we are told by the Apostle Paul, "But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband." The purpose for a man and a woman to come together in marriage is so that there is an avenue through which their sexual needs can be met without the stain of sin being attached. We read monogamy into this in that the word usage implies the singularity of the relations; each man (singular) is to have his own wife (singular), each woman (singular) is to have her own husband (singular). There is no mention or room for the possibility for a man to have more than one wife, or a wife to have more than one husband. But later on we see a much more clear instruction that men who are to be considered for leadership in the church should be the husband of one wife. Specifically elders, overseers and deacons are referred to in these verses, found in Titus 1:6, 1 Timothy 3:2 and 1 Timothy 3:12. If this is important for church leaders to restrict themselves in this way, it makes sense that the men of the church should do likewise; after all, it is from the body of the church that the leaders should be drawn.
And to this end, the marriage bed is to be undefiled and held in honour, according to the writer of Hebrews. He even goes so far as to warn that "fornicators and adulterers God will judge." Fornicators and adulterers are not limited to those who are married; this can include single people as well. So for any married person to bring any person other than their spouse, married or single, into the marriage bed, makes that person a fornicator. And just because someone goes to a motel and never taints the literal marriage bed, this is not a work around. The marriage bed refers to the sanctity of the sexual relationship in a marriage relationship; it has nothing to do with location. Further to this, in a marriage covenant relationship, as the two have become one flesh, the body of the wife belongs to the husband, and the body of the husband belongs to the wife, as we see in 1 Corinthians 7: 2-5, "But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. 3 The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control." But this is not a command from God; this is a word from the Apostle Paul, as he states in verse 6, "But this I say by way of concession, not of command." This is his observation as one who has been taught by Jesus and has observed marriage relationships. I can say from experience that when the husband and wife know that they have access to their spouse's body as their own possession, it adds to the excitement of intimacy. It could have something to do with the knowledge that nobody else has that type of access; that they possess that access alone.
This article has been written in order to establish a foundation for the next two articles. One article will focus on the role and responsibility of a man in a marriage relationship and the other will focus on the role of a woman in a marriage relationship. Again, Scripture lays out these roles for us according to God's design, and when the marriage is aligned with this design, it can be a wonderful experience for both parties as they work together to make a home, build and raise a family and pursue the goals that God sets in front of them. I hope you'll come back to see what that looks like.
If you have any thoughts about this, please leave me a message below.
Comments
Post a Comment